“What other woman?” Adam shot back. Eventually everyone had told his story except for my youngest brother. • I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free.
“But you are yellowing fast.” Dennis McClanahan, Buckner, Missouri, A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. “What does it say on your shirt?”. “Because she married a con?”. “Things haven’t changed that much,” she said. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful—we never felt hungry! “How do I cheer up a horse?” I asked. The guilt is killing me. “I don’t know what you’ve brought in,” she said, “but I can’t seem to get this out.”.
Every time I close the drapes, I have to walk around the machine.”.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes. “He appears to have solved all his marital problems by himself.”. To review this information or withdraw your consent please consult the.
Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. One evening we took a brisk walk downtown, and I surprised her by jumping over a parking meter, leapfrog style. My wife and I get along just great—except she’s a back-seat driver second to none. As the newlyweds left the courtroom, the bride nestled up to the groom and cooed, “Isn’t it nice to be here when we’re not being convicted of something?”. Richard Pryor, I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I have never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?” Henny Youngman, A man says to a friend, “My wife is on a three-week diet.” “Oh, yeah? “Honest—I’ve had only one beer.” My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.” Rosemary Tomy, Tucson, Arizona, A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. After recording the vital information—names, dates of birth, etc.— the clerk handed me our license and deadpanned, “No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties.”. He replies, “Two weeks.” Funny in Canada Survey. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? Both my fiancé and I are in our 40s. Then another, and another. “I just thought we were getting along.”. “You ever have that ex-girlfriend who just won’t go away?” he asked his friend.
“She’s tremendous, and wearing a .38.”, I didn’t notice the silence until my wife broke it icily with, “I wear a 38.”, Two convicts are working on a chain gang. Do you need directions? One vendor assumed we were engaged and asked when the big day was. “Then you’ll have an excuse for when you miss.”, The burial service for the elderly woman climaxed with a massive clap of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder. She’d made her family’s favourite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they’d eaten half of it. Scene: My checkout line at the supermarket. My husband bought an exercise machine to help him shed a few pounds. “I didn’t spend that much on my wedding.” My friend answered, “I can have three or four weddings. A couple we know were in Lamaze class, where they had an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand—to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. But when people marry only once, it’s called monotony.”. “You’re smarter already.”, Following a funeral service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out of the church when they accidentally bump into a wall. A Protestant minister and a Catholic priest performed an ecumenical marriage ceremony.
Pounding on the door until the wife opened it, the detective said, “This man claims to be your husband. When my petite mother found her seat on the airplane, she was crushed between my 200-plus-pound father and another large man. “When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist,” said my husband’s grandfather. Soon she came out, limping slightly and pretty upset. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a “bug” planted by the conspiracy defendants. Once again, a ceremony is conducted, and at the end, the pallbearers carry out the casket. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a … !” he cried. He moved to ten feet behind her and asked again. • He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Since my friends were planning to be married in the Catholic Church, Chris made sure to listen carefully throughout their prenuptial sessions. When I saw an ad on television for a baseball autographed by one of his favourite players that cost $42, I rushed out and bought it for him as a gift. “He didn’t have any.” “So,” he said, “you just felt sorry for him.” Linda Watson, Edinburgh, Scotland. I thought about it for a minute, then answered, “Dennis Quaid.”, “In that case,” she said, “I’ll play myself.”. He mumbled back, “I got married.”, Suspecting he had a serious medical condition, I nagged my husband until he agreed to see a doctor. “That’s the whole story?” my wife asked incredulously. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Too many! My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk’s office for our marriage license. “Did you marry him for his money?” “Definitely not,” I laughed. “Oh,” I said, “now you’re speaking to me.”, He looked confused. “I made another cake and ate half.”. “And that explains the engagement.”.