gee, friend … I hope it’s ok to vacillate from one style to another …, and meanwhile, how are those shingles healing?

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My hard drive failed and other personal issues have flared up preventing me from doing any!

That’s something that the ladies and I found to be true in our group. Let’s Get this ‘From Messes to Messages’ Linkup Started!

Always good to see you here! But today I’m talking specifically about the Vacillator’s love style by addressing what creates it (from childhood) and what the Vacillator tends to do in a marriage relationship as well. Are a good amount of them true of me most of the time? I’m so sorry you had to face so many challenges in such a short time, and it’s my prayer that God’s Holy Grace becomes a mighty wall around you. I sure hope you are feeling better, my friend.

Thanks for joining the conversation! I just have benefited from these resources and want to share). However, once life or the relationship becomes less than perfect, they lose interest. Hope you are feeling better. I’m doing better–though it’s more like better week to week than day to day.

When the spouse doesn’t meet this expectation, their anger grows along with the record of wrongs they are keeping tabs on mentally. This past week was a doozy for me, though. I am almost always disappointed in relationships, hoping for more than I receive. The Vacillator; The Avoider; According to Milan and Kay, a majority of people fall into one of these five categories, and they can help explain our unhealthy patterns in relationships.

And it’s always great to have some angles to view them from that give us a fresh perspective. ( Log Out /  Add any links that are uplifting, helpful and encouraging to our spiritual lives, marriages and families!

Take This Quiz, The #1 Thing Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew (It directly correlates to women’s greatest insecurity). If you want more, grab a subscription for unlimited reads for $3/month. Elephant offers 2 articles/day for free. These categories are known as love styles, and according to Dr. Millan and Kay Yerkovich, there are five love styles, namely the pleaser, the victim, the controller, the vacillator, and the avoider. Hubs and I are marriage mentors as you know and oh boy when we get a vacillator it is certainly interesting. Admit to yourself that you’re a “Vacillator” (Read the book too!).

Future blogs will dive into how to make steps toward this, how being a vacillator affects your parenting, and what you can do as a parent to help your children grow into emotionally whole adults.

This parent-child connection, in time, gets disrupted intermittently by any one of a variety of issues including: divorce, abandonment, or some other type of perceived rejection/withdrawal from a parent. From what you’ve shared here, I can tell that you’re probably not a Vacillator, but I bet you have plenty of them in your life! This person focuses on the negatives in others, and doesn't easily accept the flaws in other people. Day 5: Why are Jesus’s Death and Resurrection so Important?

I am a very passionate person who feels things deeply. Lori.

Which one are you? Find her on her website, Instagram, or Facebook. Every time you read, share, comment or heart you help an article improve its Rating—which helps Readers see important issues & writers win $$$ from Elephant.

Gary and I plan to lead this study in our couple’s small group too coming up in January. . I’m sure not a vacillator, but it makes some things in my marriage clearer, and barbara had a close relationship with both parents (which continued into adulthood), and I know that I disappointed her in that I am nothing like her father. And there isn’t actually a lot of bias there (when I was – briefly – an academic I kinda had bias beaten out of me by a Kiwi and a German,,,bad combination). Read the following statements and consider, do these resonate with me?

why is there so much conflict in my relationshps?

The label “Vacillator” stirs so many funny ideas in my head!

My default love style is Avoider, but I also struggle with the Pleaser and Vacillator love styles given the right circumstances and people to trigger those tendencies in me. Learn how your comment data is processed. I tend to wait for people to pay attention to me. I came into marriage with emotional wounds and unhealthy patterns, making my marriage messy in no time!

Sounds interesting. I am a believer that the better we know ourselves the better we can learn to interact with others whether it is in a marriage or just in friendships.

This likely developed from: As a child, they grew very adept at reading the emotional ques of their parents.

Learn more.

If you’ve been following my series on love styles, then you have a clear idea of what a secure connector, avoider, and pleaser are. With characteristic passion and intensity, it is usually all or nothing.

This idol soon topples and is replaced with disappointment and hurt, since no one can meet their high expectations.

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