For years I held guilt and shame, slowly realizing the reality of my situation, being raised by narcissistic family. I think you are right.

This article could have been written specifically about me/the Rebel, my older brother/the Golden Child and our Narc Mother. I’d get up in the morning and know as wordlessly as I had to pee, that if I wasn’t verrrry careful, if did anything wrong, I would be beaten when my father got home. They will allow the more compliant child to engage with, or play with them while informing the scapegoat that they are not invited to play. For instance my mother has an inner conflict, I think, between wanting a golden child to use for showing off (prestige), which means that child has to perform well and be good at some thing that the narc parent values as important.

Very interesting but my experience is different. There is a group on here she can join if she is on Reddit called r/raisedbyborderlines that I'm a part of, and if she needs support she will find it there, if she's not already a part of it. When I didn't live up to her expectations, she treated me horribly.

Those of us with PSTD who are not healed or in treatment do unknowingly subject our kids to some of these dynamics, but the difference is, we actually love our kids and want what’s best for them–we just didn’t know better at the time, especially if we were copendents to an abuser. Right now I’m feeling so angry about this. I knew from a very early age on that this wasn’t right. In a healthy family structure, the parents are self-assured and provide their children with a warm and productive environment to ensure their overall development. She grew up with our grandparents (my mothers parents) the first five years of her life, in a different country. Now, all that happened is I became stronger. It was not difficult to be better than her in something as she basically has very little interest in things other than gossiping.

They never see shades of grey. How to avoid ths .shall i keep playing along ??? I also was able as adult to stand up to her criticism, albeit she would shut be out after such times, once citing that my father disowns me for how I spoke to her. In my experience golden children and scapegoats can alternate between being the main target within the family from time to time. He was scared, and I understand it because I have been as well. My sister is 12 years older than me, and she also moved out very early, so she hasn’t witnessed a lot of what went on between my mother and I directly.

When the moment came, the decision was quite easy. They can see straight through the lie the golden child has fallen victim to.

The narcissistic parent felt entitled enough to create a mini-me and taught the child early on that they are entitled to exercise complete control over the scapegoat child, and everybody else they come into contact with.

They are often armed with good communication skills and convincing capabilities, while themselves being non-credulous. Best article I’ve read on this!

The parent often is able to get the rest of the family to serve as flying monkeys and gang up on that child, projecting anything they don’t want to “own” onto them. There’s so much I wish to say.

I am not even joking when I say I fear for my life, as in literally, she’d be able to do anything.

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